Lupita Nyong’o, Harvey Weinstein, and admitting you’re also attracted to black women

 

“See this man, he still dey talk”😒

In the past few weeks, as I read the allegations of sexual harassment and abuse committed by Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein, I noticed no black actress came forward to place any of the same charges on him. I even read an article about how Sophie Okonedo didn’t get a part because he wasn’t sure if she was ‘sex worthy’😬. After reading that article, I realised that some closed doors are blessings in disguise.

Then Lupita Nyong’o came out and wrote about her own escape from Harvey Weinstein. Reading her op-ed was like watching a horror movie unfold; you knew something bad was going to happen to her. 😔

For the majority of the other non-black women who came out, Harvey Weinstein remained silent, not disputing any individual case. However, for Lupita Nyong’o’s case, he felt the need to speak up and say that he remembers the situation differently. And that she invited him to her play.

“See this man, he still dey talk”😒

What was Harvey Weinstein’s purpose in adding that last part: that she invited to him to her play? Based on my knowledge of racism, I believe it was to insinuate that Lupita came on to him. Why did Harvey Weinstein pick Lupita’s account as one of the only ones to specifically refute? Once again based on my knowledge of racism, I believe it is because he was ashamed that people would know that he finds black women attractive.

In fighting against racism whether it is internalized or the external one, there are a few things you need to know:

-Black women are beautiful.

-People (especially men) know black women are beautiful.

-Some men (not all) are ashamed of showing their attraction to black women (especially the darker skinned ones) because the system of anti-black racism teaches that black people are inferior and of lower status.

-The system of racism has hypersexualized and asexualized the black woman; either she’s a mammy or a ‘sex beast’.

Unfortunately, some black women truly buy into the notion that black women are unattractive and of lower status, not knowing that the very system that is telling us this, secretly desires the black woman and her features. That is why when some women of lighter skin colours have features that are common place among black women (like our full lips and butts), they are celebrated.

So that is why despite all the allegations that have been brought against Harvey Weinstein, I believe he felt more shame that people found out he was attracted to a very beautiful dark black actress, than he did the sexual harassment allegations that have been brought against him. So he had to refute Lupita Nyong’o’s claim.

“See this man, why he no dey close his mouth?” 😷

One way to fight implicit racism as a dark skinned black woman is to know that you are beautiful and of high status, not because men are proud to stand next to you, but because God (who has the highest status of all) loves you and actually sent His Son to die for you (nothing says something has value more than someone actually giving their life for it). For those who feel that it is shameful to have a dark skinned black women standing next to someone as their girlfriend or wife should ask themselves why. Why is it shameful? Is being dark a shameful thing? If you’re black, isn’t it hypocritical to be fighting against a system that says black people are inferior, but at the same time to be engaging in racism towards darker skinned black women. Remember that ultimately if you think that darker skinned women are unattractive because they are dark, then you’re saying that you as a black person are also unattractive because you are darker than white people and other non-black people.

Don’t forget to check out my book Dealing with Your Implicit Racism (For black people and anti-racism activists)
http://goo.gl/fntWxf – Amazon
http://goo.gl/uZqCf9 -barnes&noble
http://goo.gl/uEQxKQ-kobo
http://goo.gl/5REzDX – ibooks
http://goo.gl/mV95EU-Tolino

 

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COLIN KAEPERNICK, KNEELING, AND BEING DISRESPECTFUL PART 2

I was walking down the street many months ago, and I passed a young boy with his younger sister. He quickly said good afternoon to me and nudged his sister to do the same. I could tell from his demeanor that he had been taught that greeting your elders was a respectful thing to do, and he was aiming to show that he was respectful. I greeted him back, but inside of me I shook my head. In my last post I spoke about how I felt that my culture took respect to an extreme. What I meant by that statement is that I felt certain traditions were unnecessary and didn’t benefit anyone because if people were truly respectful like my culture and a lot of other Nigerian cultures teach, then the level of corruption in Nigeria would be extremely low. This is not the case; Nigeria is known for corruption. Some nefarious Nigerians will kneel to greet a grandmother/father, respectfully calling them “Mummy” and “Baba”, all the while plotting how to swindle their ‘Mummy’ and ‘Baba’. How can a group of cultures that teach people to respect authority and respect their elders produce a nation that hasn’t paid its pensioners their pension in years, its civil servants and university professors their salaries for many months? And all this to the detriment of the country as hospitals and universities go on strike in protest of their unpaid salaries, and pensioners die because they can’t afford medical bills.  And it’s not like the country doesn’t have money. The amount of money that has been stolen by Nigerian politicians and stashed in British, Swiss, American and other banks could probably pay the salaries of the above many times over.

I shook my head on the inside after that kid greeted me because when it comes to respect, I value less and less outward signs of respect and prize more and more people’s actions. I would rather people not try to swindle me, than people saying ‘good afternoon’ to me, than people kneeling to greet me, than people calling me auntie instead of Sefunmi. So when I hear some people preaching sermons about respect for the military in relation to the anthem, I am reminded of two unarmed African American veterans who were killed by the police. The police officers who killed them were acquitted of any wrongdoing. Kenneth Chamberlain Sr. was a retired marine who wore a medical alert necklace due to a chronic heart condition. In late 2011, the necklace got triggered somehow and so emergency medical technicians, fire-fighters, and police officers were dispatched to his home. On arrival, Chamberlain told them that he was fine, that there was no emergency; he wasn’t having a heart attack. The police refused to leave and demanded he open the door. He refused and called the medical company who made the necklace stating that the police officers were going to kill him. The police officers banged on his door for one hour, and audio recording recorded that one of the officers called him a nigger. Finally they broke down his down, tasered him and shot him twice, he died in surgery. The police officers lied (yes, lied) that he came charging at them with a butcher knife. Autopsy and DNA results show that he was unarmed, so yeah they were lying.  A grand jury decided not to bring any criminal charges against those police officers. I am disgusted whenever I read this story.  Is this how Chamberlain’s service to the country is repaid?

Google up Manuel Loggins jr., another unarmed black veteran who was also killed by the police in front of his children in the name of protecting his children.  The police officer who shot him was not charged. Once again, is this how one respects the military and veterans who have served the USA?

Those people who are outraged by the so-called disrespect of the military, are they also outraged by the how little the lives of African –American veterans matter? Or are they more concerned about paying lip service and outward signs of ‘respect than they are about actually doing things that respect the military? Like convicting criminals, masquerading as police officers, who kill innocent army veterans?

These claims of ‘disrespect to the military’ would carry water if people were just as outraged by the treatment of black veterans as they are about this so called disrespect to the military. And if people had truly been outraged by what had happened to those two African American veterans, they would have brought those police officers to justice. If these things had happened, Colin Kaepernick would not have taken a knee in protest of police brutality.

Don’t forget to check out my book Dealing with Your Implicit Racism (For black people and anti-racism activists) Available at Amazon, Kobo, Barnes&Noble, ibooks, and Tolino.

COLIN KAEPERNICK, KNEELING, AND BEING DISRESPECTFUL PART 1

I come from a hyper respectful culture. What I mean by hyper respectful is that, in my opinion, they take respecting elders and those in authority to an extreme. I am just going to give a few examples: Girls and women in general are supposed to bend a knee in greeting elders, while boys and men bow on the ground (the one for boys and men is becoming less common nowadays. They now just bow their torso as a sign of respect).  How you call people is also important. Any one that is older than you by a certain amount of years can never be called by their first name. You must call them auntie or uncle. To call them by their first name is seen as a sin. So when we see westerners calling people who are much older than them by their first names, some Nigerians shake their heads in disbelief at the rudeness of westerners. “No respect culture people”, some of them think. Oh yes, I know that some people in my culture and probably in other African cultures view westerners as people with no understanding of respect. (This is not my opinion as I grew up around some westerners and was exposed to some of their cultures. I am just stating a certain mindset)

So when I hear people saying that Colin Kaepernick and any American who kneels when the national anthem is being sung are being disrespectful, I shake my head. In what culture is kneeling considered rude? All over the world, we have different people groups, different cultures and customs, different mentalities, different beliefs, and different histories; but please name one culture where kneeling is considered rude? From what I have seen,   most cultures view kneeling as a form of respect. Even ancient religious texts agree with this. So I can say that kneeling is not disrespectful at all, but then why are some people so upset about this as a form of protest?

One reason given for the disapproval is that people who kneel when the anthem is being sung are being disrespectful to the American military that have fought for them to have the freedom to kneel. (Did that last sentence sound as contradictory to you as it did to me?) That’s like saying my daddy bought me a car, but I am not going to drive it so that I can be respectful to my dad. Did that sound warped to you as it did to me?

Another reason that’s given is that: The American military have sacrificed for their freedoms and not protesting when the anthem is being sung is a way to respect them. This is according to whom exactly? When did this custom of standing in attention for the anthem as a form of respect for the military begin? It certainly hadn’t been created when the American swimmer Michael Phelps won a medal in the last Olympics in Brazil, and when the American anthem was sung, he was seen laughing (he later explained it was due to the particular way his state of Baltimore sings a part of the American anthem). However, before this fact was known,  nobody accused him of being disrespectful to the military, in fact a Time magazine article termed it as: “Phelps let everyone else in on the joke ”, not ‘He explained/apologized that he wasn’t being disrespectful’ .  Hang on, maybe this rule had been created, only that it wasn’t applied to Michael Phelps nor was it about the military. I remember that African American gymnast…. Gabby Douglas, who didn’t put her hand over her heart when the anthem was sung, but she stood in attention with a smile on her face. She got flack for this and even apologized that she wasn’t being disrespectful to the country, not the military though, just the country.

It seems to me that this law of the anthem and respect and the military is applied without any rhyme of rhythm, except one: that it is only applicable to black people. So can you understand why they are protesting when the anthem is being sung?

Don’t forget to check out my book Dealing with Your Implicit Racism (For black people and anti-racism activists) Available at Amazon, Kobo, Barnes&Noble, ibooks, and Tolino.

HARVEY WEINSTEIN, COLIN KAEPERNICK, AND THE FIGHT AGAINST RACISM

 

Those who have been on the internet in the past few weeks have all heard about Harvey Weinstein, the Hollywood producer who was apparently sexually abusing and harassing women for decades. Goliath has now fallen and the floodgates are opening. Women are telling their horror stories of encounters with Mr. Weinstein, and men are expressing their regret and shock. However, what has unnerved me about all of this are the pictures of these women who he did this or that to them, smiling in photos with him. They knew what he was, what he did to them, yet they still presented this image to the public of the happy life. Unnerving, I say ….unnerving. The men also knew, they knew, but it wasn’t their experience so……now, they express regret.

I personally know why some women don’t speak up about sexual abuse and harassment. In my case …(even as I write this I cringe, I won’t go into details…it wasn’t as bad as some other people) it is shameful. It is such a violation. There’s a part of you that is sacred, that is not meant for just anyone to see, and sexual harassment and abuse forces itself uninvited into that area. An area you yourself sometimes haven’t seen or explored. (I’m not talking about your body per se). You are not the one who should feel ashamed, but for some reason you do. The sense of helplessness that one feels, you couldn’t protect yourself; you didn’t even have time to react. The sure knowledge that some people will blame you, yes, they will blame you. “Why did you this……?  Why did you that…….?” So you don’t talk, you keep quiet. Now I understand why people who speak out about sexual abuse are called brave. Once again I am reminded of the importance of speaking up, challenging the wrong behaviors of those in authority.

When I was younger, I used to empathize with some people who mistreated me. There were times when I knew, I knew, that I should report what had occurred, but I felt sorry for these people, I didn’t want to be responsible for them losing their jobs. I didn’t want that on my conscience. I was just tender-hearted, I believed of myself. A few years ago, I realized that I was actually not tender-hearted but an enabler.  By not speaking up about the misbehavior of this person in authority, I enabled them to go and do the same thing to another innocent victim. If I really had a tender heart, I would feel for the next potential victim and do what I could to prevent another abuse from happening. Even if people didn’t listen to me, at least my conscience was clear in that I did what I could to speak out against injustice.

I wonder how many people who wanted to come forward about Weinstein heard this:

“It’s not that bad”

“He’s given you this opportunity, don’t be ungrateful”

“Now is not the time or the place, we have a movie to shoot”

“Oh come on, a few flirtations never hurt anybody”

“You’re suffering…. sure … if it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t have gotten that movie, that Oscar, that good review”

“If you don’t like working here, then maybe you should move to another studio”

 

This brings me to Colin Kaepernick and all who have joined him in kneeling when the American (or German) anthem is being sung. Kaepernick (Black Lives Matter, and others who have done different kinds of protest) started this to protest police brutality against black people. They have spoken out when people want them to be quiet. They’ve spoken out against the abuse of power, and what has happened to them? The same thing survivors of sexual harassment and abuse fear. Similar words like the ones I wrote above have been leveled at them. “Ungrateful”, “Not the time or place”, “Sure you’re suffering, with your million dollar contract” and other words. It takes courage to speak out about the abuses of power by those in power. Not everyone has that courage. I think a lot of non Americans know the last sentence of the American anthem due to movies and TV: The land of the free and the home of the brave.

Kaepernick, Black Lives Matter, you guys are in your home.

 

Don’t forget to check out my book Dealing with Your Implicit Racism (For black people and anti-racism activists) Available at Amazon, Kobo, Barnes&Noble, ibooks, and Tolino.

 

The dangers of implicit racism

The problem with implicit racism is that you usually don’t know it’s there until you behave in a prejudiced manner.

 

“How  is that possible?”, you may ask.

 

It’s like those times when you get into a discussion with a sibling; and all of a sudden, it turns into an argument, and you end up angry at your brother or sister and start shouting at them. When you calm down,  you wonder how a simple discussion disintegrated into a fight. After searching your heart for some time, you realize that before the discussion, you were still angry at your sibling because they hogged the TV remote the last time you guys were watching TV and wouldn’t even let you check a channel (And they weren’t even really watching anything). So basically, during the discussion, your irritation found an outlet and let loose.

 

That’s how implicit racism works, it enters you and twists your perceptions about black people without you realizing it. Then when you interact with a black person (even if you’re black yourself),  it waits for an opportunity and comes out. Later on, you find out on Facebook that the black person you interacted with felt your behavior/words were racist. They also write an essay giving the historical and cultural reasons why they believe what you said or did was racist. And you’re sitting there thinking, “WHAT?!!!!!”

 
Learn how to find implicit racism in your life by reading my book DEALING WITH YOUR IMPLICIT RACISM (For black people and anti-racism activists). Don’t remain ignorant about this.

Ending racism starts with you

There’s this misconception that a lot of people have : Racism and racists are all out there. We never see racism as something inside of us; we think the battle is all out there in the world.

 

While yes, there is a lot of racism out there in the world, there is also implicit racism lurking inside of us, twisting our perceptions and forming our opinions.

 
In my book DEALING WITH YOUR IMPLICIT RACISM (For black people and anti-racism activists), I show you why and how the battle against racism must first start inside of us.

 

Protecting yourself from racism

As a black person, it’s important to learn how to protect yourself from internalized racism. Not only for yourself, but also so that you can teach your children how to protect themselves as well.

 

Kids can internalize racist messages at a very young age. I have heard of four year olds not wanting to be dark-skinned because they understand that the darker you are, the more discrimination you are likely to experience.

 

In my book DEALING WITH YOUR IMPLICIT RACISM (For black people and anti-racism activists), I give you the simple techniques I used to fight against internalized racism. Techniques that you can teach your children also.

 

 

Racism and fear

Fear cripples.

It can present a small situation as a huge mountain that will be difficult, if not impossible, to overcome.

 
Fear is what keeps most people from tackling the racist mindset they have. It’s not comfortable for black people to think that they themselves are racist towards Blacks. It’s not comfortable for anyone to think that they struggle with racism.

 
When you finish reading DEALING WITH YOUR IMPLICIT RACISM (For black people and anti-racism activists), you’ll be able to confidently tackle your racist mindset without fear.

 

Why most people struggle with racism

A lot of people won’t agree with the title of this post, especially since there is such a stigma around the ‘racist’. Nevertheless, the reason I believe the title of my post is because racist messages are constantly being implicitly broadcasted through the media, society, and our cultures.

 
These racist messages don’t know color, religion, or age. They have the power to influence anyone who is exposed to them.

 

Charity begins at home. So does the fight against racism.
Learn how to protect yourself, your little kids, and your teenagers in my book DEALING WITH YOUR IMPLICIT RACISM (For black people and anti-racism activists).

 

Racism and your mind

How do you fight against racism? As a black person, I know that the battle begins in our minds.

A lot of times explaining anti-black racism to white and non-black people is just not effective. How can black people advice them when Blacks themselves also exhibit anti-black behavior?

 
Let us lead this fight by example. Learn how to fight against the racism within yourself in my book DEALING WITH YOUR IMPLICIT RACISM (For black people and anti-racism activists).