During the 2022 Oscars, Will Smith slapped the Chris Rock, a presenter, in front of a live audience and swore at him. This was quite a scene as you can imagine. Everyone was talking about this huge scene Will Smith made. People who weren’t interested in the Oscars tuned in to find out what the whole situation was about, me included. In the process, I found out about the others that won.
This scene overshadowed everything at that moment, including Will Smith’s first Oscar for best actor, Jessica Chastain’s win as best actress, Samuel L. Jackson’s first Oscar (that man has majestically played many fantastic roles for decades), the first African American man to produce the Oscars, and even how beautiful Lupita looked in her dress and hairstyle. Jessica Chastain’s dress was also lovely.
In part 1 of this write up, I spoke about how when one is in a tense situation, the choices available to us shrink to fight or flight, and sometimes people just freeze. What Will Smith did was shocking, it was jarring, it was unexpected, it was off-script, and it was quite a scene. Scenes like this make people uncomfortable. It has been said that people are angrier at the scene that was caused than they are about the actual slap.
People have criticized the Academy for not kicking Will Smith out and some people in the audience giving him a standing ovation when he won. To these critics, I would ask that you put yourselves in their position. The live audience was also in shock, they were processing what had happened, and in the process of processing, they just kept going. Kicking Will Smith out would also have created a scene for them.
For those who genuinely gave him a standing ovation: Thank you. Will Smith was deserving of that award for his portrayal in King Richard.
There is no playbook for how to react to a scene.
Society has taught us that making a scene is bad. Don’t shout in public. Don’t get angry in public, it’s unsightly. And most important of all: don’t show violence in public.
My sister once told me: “it doesn’t matter who is at fault, if people see someone shouting, angry, using violence, basically making a scene, they will automatically assume that the person making the scene is at fault.
I believe what my sister said is true.
People will always think: was there a better way you could have handled it without making a scene?
In this article, I will like to dismantle the idea that making a scene is always bad, and speak about how I strongly believe that sometimes you have to make a scene.
When making a scene is bad.
First off, I want to say that I don’t believe that making a scene is always right. Just like I don’t believe using violence is always right, even if the violence is a slap. There are some situations where making as scene is just unnecessary, dangerous, taxing, thoughtless, and selfish.
In Part 2 of this series, Why I support Will Smith, Why women need to be protected, I mentioned that if Chris Rock had made this joke about Will Smith, and if he had been going after Will Smith for decades like he had Jada Pinkett Smith, I would never approve of Will Smith slapping Chris Rock. Since they are both men, they both have physical strength at their disposal, and they know it, so they are evenly matched. Therefore, the use of force will not necessarily achieve anything. In that scenario, I would expect Will Smith to find another way to deal with the harassment without using violence or making a scene.
I think you have to weigh each situation. What is the purpose of you making a scene? Is the purpose of more value than the consequences?
When making a scene is ok
So why do I believe that you sometimes have to make a scene?
It’s because I have observed that abuse thrives on silence.
And one of the best times for abusive things to happen is at a moment where people will be hyper conscious against making a scene, so the abuse will be allowed to happen without protest.
Therefore, you can sometimes stop abuse by making a scene.
Let me give an example: During the 2003 Oscars, Halle Berry, who had won best actress the year before, presented the Oscar for best actor to Adrian Brody. Upon receiving the statue, Adrian Brody grabbed Halle Berry (who was at that time married to Eric Benet) and kissed her on the mouth.
Halle Berry looked shocked and then laughed, people kept clapping for Adrian Brody and that was that. People talked about it, parodied it, and even to this day, it is written about with words like ‘a passionate kiss’.
But what happened here to Halle Berry was assault. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t fair or right. She didn’t ask for this.
In 2017, Halle Berry was asked about what was going through her mind during the kiss, and these were her exact words:
“What the f—k is happening right now? That was what was going through my mind. And because I was there the year before and I know the feeling of being out of your body, I just f-king went with it.”
If this was what she was actually thinking, why didn’t she slap Adrian Brody afterwards? She couldn’t push him off of her during that ‘passionate kiss’ because you could see that he was physically stronger than her. But afterwards, why did she follow-up her shocked expression with a laugh?
I think she laughed it off because she was in shock and she chose: flight instead of fight. She chose to not make a scene. How could she show her displeasure without making a scene? Adrian Brody had just won. Actors in the audience were actually standing up and clapping for him. This was his moment.
If she had slapped him or angrily pushed him away and marched off the stage like she had the right to, it would have been a massive scene. It would have overshadowed the entire night and the other winners including Adrian Brody’s win. And what would have been the consequences for her, the victim? Do you think people would have been understanding?
I don’t think so. And I don’t think so because of how this ‘kiss’ is still written about today. Well known publications don’t call it an assault, but Will Smith slapping Chris Rock is termed assault.
I believe people would have felt more uncomfortable if Halle Berry had responded with anger.
The Academy, which apologized to Chris Rock for Will Smith slapping him, has not to my knowledge publicly apologized to Halle Berry. I also don’t know if Adrian Brody has apologized as well.
If Halle Berry had made a scene, I believe people would have said something along these lines:
‘Oh it was just a kiss, why did you have to react that way and spoil the moment?’
‘I would have been flattered if Adrian Brody kissed me. It means he finds me attractive. Why did you have to get so touchy [the irony] and ruin his moment?’
‘Why couldn’t you just go along with it without making a scene?’
‘I mean, you’re an actress, you get paid to kiss people, what’s so wrong with him kissing you?’
As an actress, Halle Berry chooses a script, spends time crafting her character, and is paid to act a character that kisses other people. The key word here is: ‘paid’. Who paid her for that kiss on the Oscar’s stage? What character was she playing on that stage?
How do you think Eric Benet, Halle Berry’s husband at that time, felt watching this unfold? If he had gotten up and slapped Adrian Brody, making an even bigger scene, do you think it would have been justified? Do you think people would have accepted his violence?
I don’t think so at all. I think if Eric Benet had gotten up and slapped Adrian Brody, the Academy would have apologized to Adrian Brody.
Now let’s flip the colours here.
If Angelina Jolie had been the one presenting the award, and she was still married to Brad Pitt, and the person she was presenting the award to was a black actor. And this black actor proceeded to do what Adrian Brody did to Halle Berry. How would you react and feel about it? How do you think the audience would have reacted? If Angelina Jolie made a scene and angrily hit this black actor and marched off the stage, would that kiss be described as passionate years later? If Brad Pitt had gotten up and slapped this black actor, would you be understanding of it? Would you condone his hypothetical violence?
I think Halle Berry, like many people who are put in similar situations, had to accept this abuse of her body rather than make a scene. She had to give up her human dignity for the comfort of the audience and the preservation of that moment. I only have empathy for her for making this decision, and I would also have empathy for her if she or her husband had decided to slap Adrian Brody.
I remember reading an article about this kiss during my teenage days, and Adrian Brody kissing her was presented like a testament to her beauty. So I will also admit that in the past, had she or Eric Benet made a scene, I would have tried to think of a better way she or Eric Benet could have handled it without making a scene. I would have felt more uncomfortable with them making a scene than with them going along with it.
Halle Berry was put in this situation. It wasn’t fair to her. And I think she was put in this situation because Adrian Brody believed that he would get away with it. She is a non-white woman (not to say that he wouldn’t have done it to some white women, but not white women of Halle Berry’s A list status). I don’t think he would have done this to Nicole Kidman (married to Tom Cruise) or Julia Roberts. I don’t think he would have gotten away with it, and I think unconsciously, he knew that.
He did it because he believed he would get away with it because of the situation and the social position of the person he was assaulting.
And that is why I believe sometimes you have to make a scene. Because making a scene in that moment will reinforce your human dignity and curb the desire by anyone else to repeat the abusive actions. It will prevent more abuse from happening.
Chris Rock and getting away with harassment
So what does this have to do with the whole Chris Rock/Will Smith slap situation? You may say: ‘in this situation, Will Smith was the one who assaulted Chris Rock, it was Chris Rock’s dignity that was at stake.’
In Part 2 of this series, I explained that it was actually Jada Pinkett Smith human dignity that was at stake, you can go and read that here.
I believe that Will Smith was also put in the same position as Halle Berry. He had to choose: the human dignity of his wife who has been harassed over a period of 30 years or the comfort of the audience and his reputation. And he chose his wife’s human dignity.
This is a post by Kwaisi France that I found on Facebook as I was researching for this series:
Chris Rock believed that he would get away with targeting Jada Pinkett Smith again.
You see the Oscars had allowed their stage to be used to attack Jada Pinkett Smith in 2016 when Chris Rock, the host, insulted her. What he said about her during the 2016 Oscars was not a joke, it was an insult. It was like those playground ‘your mama’ insults. Did the Oscars approve of that insult……? Because why was Chris Rock able to say it?
Jada Pinkett Smith had been ‘making a nuisance’ of herself with #Oscarssowhite and calls to boycott the Oscars. I don’t think they were too endeared towards her because of this. And so I think that they unknowingly got involved in a form of harassment that had spanned decades. And because they allowed Chris Rock to use their platform to target Jada Pinkett Smith in 2016, Chris Rock probably felt he could use their platform again in 2022 and get away with it.
Only he didn’t.
It’s interesting, people have spoken about the prestige of the Oscars and how what Will Smith did lowered the standards of the Oscars (people have rightfully pointed out the hypocrisy of that statement). However, I think that by allowing Chris Rock to make that insult at Jada Pinkett Smith in 2016 on their stage, they lowered their standards themselves. If you want playground insults/disses to be launched from your platform and be called comedy, then be prepared to have the same prestige as a playground. Fights break out on playgrounds. In fact, when that 2016 insult was made, a twitter user named @ja_s_on made a tweet that said: “Will Smith has to punch Chris Rock in the face….He has no choice”.
So even random people on twitter implicitly recognized that the Oscars had lost its prestige for that 2016 Jada Pinkett Smith insult.
Nevertheless, while I have now written 3 articles explaining why I support Will Smith, please understand that I also understand that there are consequences for Will Smith’s actions. People will not accept violence being used as a retaliation to insults in many societies, especially when few people knew the backstory. Will Smith made a choice to stop the harassment of his wife by Chris Rock by using violence and interrupting the show, and there is a price to pay for that.
There can be debate about the harshness of the consequences (Will Smith has been banned for 10 years from attending the Oscars, and people are criticizing and hating on him, his wife, and kids), but I won’t debate that there be no consequences from the Academy because firstly, I understand that organizations have something called A Code of Conduct (what is acceptable in their venue and what is not acceptable). And I respect every organization’s right define to their code of conduct. And Will Smith broke their code.
So I would advise him to take the penalty with his head held high and to not be ashamed. You did what you did out of a God-given desire to protect your family, and your family have a right to be protected by you, whether it fits the code of conduct of the Oscars or makes a scene.
Secondly, I personally know that making a scene can cost you.
There was a time in my life when I made a scene. I shouted at someone. I was standing up for my rights. It cost me. I apologized in that situation, but I regret that apology because I knew that I wasn’t wrong. However, the condemnation that I felt from others for making the scene was enough pressure to cause me to apologize.
It took some time, but eventually people began to see my own side of things and to recognize the wrong that was done to me that led me to make a scene.
On the bright side, me making that scene caused the troublemaker to be removed. You see, many times when you make a scene, the abuse/troublemaker has to stop. Yes, you may still be hated on for making the scene, and the perpetrator may act like they are the victims in the situation, but they won’t try their abuse/troublemaking again and/or people around will not tolerate them repeating their trouble.
Some women have said that they would be so embarrassed if their husbands responded the way Will Smith did. I understand this sentiment because I acknowledge that making a scene can make people feel uncomfortable, including the person being defended. However, given the back story in this situation and my own experiences with being protected/unprotected, I know that the benefits/the security that come from making a scene to protect a loved one is worth more than the benefits of not feeling embarrassed.
I also believe that the Oscars need to take some responsibility here and make the necessary changes. And you know what? I think they will. I think that slap by Will Smith has also jolted some wisdom into them. From now on, I think they will have a contract that forbids their presenters/hosts from going off script by making unapproved ‘jokes’. I think that they will have a policy that says: no attacking/insulting/making ‘jokes’ about the appearance of any wife of a celebrity in the live audience especially if their husbands will be present.
These will all be wise decisions. Decisions that will be brought about because Will Smith decided to make a scene. And I believe that other award shows that hold themselves up to some level of prestige as the Oscars will do the same. So in this area, women can rest easy now as they get ready for the Oscars and other award shows because they know that no one will try to humiliate them for their appearance on stage especially if their husbands are present.
Another thing I want to highlight is how some people have said that making fun of Jada Pinkett Smith’s bald head was just a joke, that people are too touchy nowadays, that Jada Pinkett Smith had said in the past that she doesn’t care what people say about her bald head, that people make bald head jokes at men all the time, alopecia is not that serious, and Chris Rock didn’t know she had alopecia.
Ok…….. So I want to explain some things to the people who have said these things.
Firstly, Jada Pinkett Smith cares what people have to say about her bald head, any statement from her claiming otherwise is a defence mechanism to deal with the pain and grief she feels about losing her hair (and if you look at her pictures in the past, you will see that she had a lovely head of hair).
In Hollywood, Los Angeles, the appearance of celebrities (and of people just living in that area), is very important to them, especially to the women. Many, many female celebrities have had plastic surgery (some men as well). No judgement. Do you seriously think Jada Pinkett Smith doesn’t care about what people have to say about her bald head when she lives in an appearance obsessed society?
Wig imports in the USA in 2019 were valued at $758 million. The hair care industry in 2022 amounts to $13.31 billion, and the year is not even half over. Why would women spend so much money on something that means nothing to them? What Jada Pinkett Smith said about not caring is exactly how we say we don’t care what people think, but then spend 2 weeks thinking about what they said.
Unfortunately, it has been socially acceptable to mock men for being bald or balding. And from the research I have done (just a quick search on google lol), I see that most men (I would say 99.9%) do not want to go bald/be balding. So if this is how men feel, how much more devastated do women feel about losing their hair since women are judged more harshly for their appearance?
The appearance/beauty, including the hair type, hair colour and hair length, of many women has played a factor in bumping them up from one class level to another. Seriously. That’s why the hair industry for women is that big. Why do you think many white women dye their hair blonde?
Society places a man’s worth more in his wealth, even in his physique, than in how much hair is on his head. Nevertheless, men do still feel bad about losing their hair.
Chris Rock knowing or not knowing Jada Pinkett Smith had alopecia is irrelevant. Chris Rock, an African-American man, made a documentary called Good Hair where he learnt first-hand how massively important (if he didn’t know before) hair is to African-American women. That ‘joke’ was a dig, not a joke.
Finally, on the same post by Kwaisi France, Mr. France stated in at least 2 comments that Chris Rock actually apologized to the Smiths for this ‘dig’ during the Oscars after party.
So in conclusion, I know some people have been tired of hearing about this slap story. However, the reason I decided to write 3 articles about it was because I saw it as a stepping stone to speak about important societal issues such as: harassment, when violence is needed, the need for women to be protected, why we shouldn’t be quick to condemn people who make scenes, and the insensitivity towards male baldness.
If you’re interested, I have written 2 books you can buy here:
Dealing with Your Implicit Racism (For black people and anti-racism activists) – I teach black people and others how to fight and win against their own anti-blackness.
Apostle Paul was a Feminist Vol 1– Using the ‘misogynistic verses’ written by Apostle Paul in the Bible, I prove that Paul was a Feminist.
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